One thing that I really noticed over the last few months is that people have a hard time knowing how to respond to someone who is obviously in pain or cannot walk. Often what is said or the way people view you, displays this. One day after I used the wheelchair at Costco, I was trying to leave and the staff at the door said that I couldn't take the motorized chair outside. I had a small box of food but I walk with great difficulty and adding the weight of the food or anything for that matter, puts pressure on my legs and consequently pain. Suddenly I felt eyes on me from all around (I've always hated getting attention when I'm not trying to). I tried to stay composed. Thankfully a woman with two small children and a cart of food offered to help me. The rest just continued looking at me with pity. Please, if you see someone needing a hand offer it. But keep in mind that not everyone will accept and that's okay too.
In May I was in Victoria for a conference and ran into someone from UBC who said don't you wish you could just have 3 buttons that you flip depending upon how you feel -- one says "I need assistance please" one says, "fuck off" and one says, "I will discuss it later." Yes, I do. A visible disability means that people see it and that seeing, for the one experiencing the disability, creates additional discomfort. Further, my mind is active and I do other things and I don't want to talk about my physical being all the time. However there are other times when I do, but let me control that. Further you don't have to know someone who has the same problem and certainly you don't have to have something similar either. Many people compare what I have to someone else or themselves. For example, saying, "My grandmother has problems with arthritis" does not make a me, 52 year old woman feel good. It makes me bitter - I'm not old. Sometimes I don't want to talk about it and I want that to be okay too. Finally saying it must be really hard as you were so strong and independent makes me wonder -- am I not still strong? Okay maybe not as independent and that's hard, but I'm working at it. Tell me you're proud of how hard I'm struggling to fight this - that makes me feel good. And, it is the truth, I am.
If you want to help, offer a hand and realize that it's okay if it's not accepted. I have learned this the hard way - hopefully my thoughts on this are shared by others. Also fight for disability rights. Wheelchairs should be available in public places and curbs should be accessible. It reminds me of the Occupy movement: "Whose streets?" Response: "Our streets" Let's make them ours - all of ours. It's a small but important gesture.
The entry is rambling because I am tired. We went to Batoche Days today. Not exactly a good place to go as I couldn't walk around and they didn't have enough accessibility carts. And to top it all off, I got shat on by a bird - argh.
In May I was in Victoria for a conference and ran into someone from UBC who said don't you wish you could just have 3 buttons that you flip depending upon how you feel -- one says "I need assistance please" one says, "fuck off" and one says, "I will discuss it later." Yes, I do. A visible disability means that people see it and that seeing, for the one experiencing the disability, creates additional discomfort. Further, my mind is active and I do other things and I don't want to talk about my physical being all the time. However there are other times when I do, but let me control that. Further you don't have to know someone who has the same problem and certainly you don't have to have something similar either. Many people compare what I have to someone else or themselves. For example, saying, "My grandmother has problems with arthritis" does not make a me, 52 year old woman feel good. It makes me bitter - I'm not old. Sometimes I don't want to talk about it and I want that to be okay too. Finally saying it must be really hard as you were so strong and independent makes me wonder -- am I not still strong? Okay maybe not as independent and that's hard, but I'm working at it. Tell me you're proud of how hard I'm struggling to fight this - that makes me feel good. And, it is the truth, I am.
If you want to help, offer a hand and realize that it's okay if it's not accepted. I have learned this the hard way - hopefully my thoughts on this are shared by others. Also fight for disability rights. Wheelchairs should be available in public places and curbs should be accessible. It reminds me of the Occupy movement: "Whose streets?" Response: "Our streets" Let's make them ours - all of ours. It's a small but important gesture.
The entry is rambling because I am tired. We went to Batoche Days today. Not exactly a good place to go as I couldn't walk around and they didn't have enough accessibility carts. And to top it all off, I got shat on by a bird - argh.
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